Dazed and Confused

Such a pain if you are not doing the right thing at the right time and even more of a pain if you do not know what is it that you want to do and when you want to do it.
As for me I started to pursue engineering and then go about pursuing computer science. I really didnt know what I really wanted. This or what? I feel that chilling out at home is the only thing I like. Lazing around and not doing anything. Well if you land up doing that I do not like doing that as well. I feel that we are meant to field work next. Then again that seems to be too much of work again. So what do we actually do? I am so damn confused at times. I suppose I just need to be trained to do the right sort of thing. Now where do I go about to get such training? Like if I want to be good at a skill I want to be trained in a way that I am the best at it. I want to have a craving to learn more about it. When does that happen? Do you need an environment for it? Do you need things to push you? Really confusing. Hope some of you guys have an answer to that.

Floyd and connections with freedom

There is something about music that just transports you to a different place. Makes you more efficient and the person you want to be or even better that what you would want to be. I do not know if you have experienced what I am talking about, but trust me you definitely do want to experience. I have had a number of chances to meet people coming from different backgrounds and talk to them about how they have gone up the ladder of success.  Well, one thing is very clear for me, if you are having a hard time getting your things done or if you are facing a lot of obstacles then you are treading on the correct path!
My friend Girish recently sent me an article via pocket which was very interesting and introspective in nature. I read it and could see exactly what I was going through and how to go about these things. Often, in my childhood days I have felt that I was the only one going through a lot of things in life where I could not achieve what I wanted.
Yesterday, I went to literary fest and heard Jhumpa Lahiri, a published and popular author of Indian descent speak. I somehow found a connection between what she had to say and what I felt and have been thinking about all these years. Though I am not a voracious reader or rather not much of a reader at all to be honest, I do believe that what she said was very true. What did she say is the next question that would arise?
She spoke about how lost she was about her origins as she had 3 passports to her name. Though I did not have such a troubled childhood of not knowing my nationality, on a smaller scale, I was unable to identify myself as a person who originated from a particular place. As there have been so many people walking in and out of my life, I strongly do believe that I have a mixed and rather open mind.
All of sudden I realized that I do not know what I want in life and I just seemed to be lost in thought. Not doing anything that I had habituated myself to or convinced myself that it was what I was meant to do. As per my last post I took a trip to explore this lost focus.
The topic of this post is floyd and connections with freedom which is exactly what I had lost. It often takes only one song or one instance to recollect where you were and to get yourself back to that position. For me, it happens to be this particular song by floyd. I remember a setting of the sun beating down on me, early in the morning and having a cup of coffee by the side of a pond where little children were playing.
That moment is a sight that I would love to cherish and take ahead with me. Its a moment which talks about the freedom of childhood as well as the openness in mind for me. It just helps me think and move forward in what I want to focus about.

Going past the horizon

Sometimes people do really random things just to get out of a rut. I, for one did exactly that. All of a sudden I was stuck in office all the time and working like an idiot. Efficiency was sub zero and the time spent in office was enormous. When I managed to pull my thoughts together, I realized that I have become a complete douchebag. So what do I do to get of this rut? Get back in time and get a hold of things again.
So one fine morning I wake up and realize that I need to get back to where I was a couple of years ago. I just logged on to the net and booked tickets to chennai without knowing why I was going there. This was something that I always wanted to do. A random trip without knowing why you are going. Well as time passed I began to call it an exploratory journey as people kept annoying me with questions as to why I came. People find it really hard to believe that some people just like to get away from things and just rollback in time. It really does astonish me.
The day I landed in chennai I was pretty excited about the things I'd do and as always I had expectations way beyond what was needed.
All that apart, must say it was quite a nice trip just going out and meeting people all the time. Some of the visits were really worth it. I had planned to go and visit a few studios which my friends had owned, sadly enough I did not visit them as I did not plan ahead.
Well, nonetheless I must say visits which are self-exploratory are a must for everyone. why? Well, for starters I am blogging again after a year or so. This is one way to show change, apart from this a lot of other things are happening which are for the good.
I look forward to make such trips again and meet random people rather than just going to someplace with 5 star resorts and hotels and living a life consumed in one's own ego.
A friend of mine narrated a story of how he went to a secluded location near banglore and turned off his phone and just lived peacefully. That is something that I really wish to try out. Obviously, a lot of hardships can be expected, yet there is nothing impossible and for all you know the more you push yourself, you might just land up finding a better person within!
Cheers!

Talk

  I sit here lost in thought ,
thinking of what we used to talk.
Yearning to talk now,
I hear nothing but the clocks tick-tock.

The endless conversations,
& the sleepless nights,
felt good when I knew,
I made a friend that night.

We spoke of music and lyrics,
and the meanings that lay beneath,
        & books and pages that contain,
         a world underneath.

As time passed by,
I made friends, a score.
We became close and spoke,
of the happiness we bore.

As I spoke more,
Ideas began to flow,
& the words began to grow,
like never before

Money | Joy?

Life moves on just like time and waits for no one. There are so many decisions to be made in a split second or over a long period of time which might still seem insufficient. Life; the word is so has so many meanings and interpretations. I wish that it was only tough to describe it and not live it. Today I stand at another crossroads, where an important decision has to be taken. Do I prioritize money or happiness? Is money everything and can happiness be achieved without money? Oh, the everlasting quest to find these answers. This reminds me of a night where I was woken up by my friend near about midnight and then I realised that I have done nothing at all until now. At least nothing significant! I felt so disoriented that nothing and to add fuel to the fire I had a pathetic day after that.

My ambitions and dreams seem kind of out of reach every now and then. "Winners never quit and quitters never win" is the saying that I am often reminded of when that thought comes to my mind.  After a setback in life such as playing the worst show ever does make you ponder about these things and makes you wonder if what you want to do is even possible. I mean is it true that we need to Magnify our skills or Modify our dreams?  The caveman period where the barter system was prevalent seems so much better off now.

A Fleeting thought

Sometimes in life,
you are too lost ,
you don't know ,
how to change the past.

Sometimes I want to,
change things that happened,
and make my current world,
a better place to live in.

There are so many things,
that I want to say,
but i just can't express
them to you.

You are special to me,
and so is she.
I cannot tell either one,
about thee.

The things you ask,
The way you talk,
makes me want to take a walk,
and think a lot.

Run away from the past,
I cannot .
You haunt me with love,
that I bear not .

Sequestered are my thoughts,
to the open world,
yet you see them,
like you were me.

You read my mind,
and know what I feel,
you do this ,
with utmost ease.

Astonished and amazed,
at a man's thought,
I sit here bewildered,
to think if I know you or not!

Tell me

Pondering at her gaze,
as my vigil of the imagination fades,
Transparent and illuminated ,
Her silhouette fades out the crowd

I see you while
thoughts come and go
and I wish they would just
ebb and flow

CHORUS:
I walk past you
when the sky is blue
When i think of being with you
you leave me without a clue

There are many a reasons why
i dont do many a thing
and i wish i could tell you why
while i try to sing

I wish i could tell you why
I haven't said much over the years
I just didnt want to see you cry
or shed a single tear

The tunes from my guitar
Are the only words i have for you
I hope that someday you will tell me
Something that i never could tell you.